Here we go again...My Way...

I wanted to write this before the day it rained, before the day of the photo shoot, before the day of the musical, before the day I left Tokyo, but apparently I left it too late.

Now I am back in Tokyo, and what I wanted to write has yet to be written, so here I am, writing it down here now. Would it have made a difference, if I wrote it earlier? I would like to think so, but I think it probably would still have turned out this way.

Still, at least I can say that I did it my way, even if it might not be the best way, even if it might not be the right way in the first place. Somehow, if there is a God or some sort of Higher Power, He/She/It must be having fun watching the entertainment provided by us mortals.

All those great plans, all those dreams, they have to be put on hold for now, simply because I did it my way. In this case, that moment of folly, was it really my way, or was I being influenced? The latter is more an excuse than a reason, and the truth be told, I could have walked away at any point. I chose to stay for a reason, to prove a point maybe, or simply out of pride. Whichever the case, if given a choice, I would still do it my way, albeit do it in a subtly different manner.

Of course, if you have not gone through what I have, I cannot expect you to understand, and in fact, I don't really expect, nor do I crave understanding.

What I want is simpler, much simpler. I want a chance. I don't think that if I sit here typing, the chance will appear from the screen and fall into my lap, no, I am not that silly. Of course I will take the actions that I deem necessary, so do not be surprised. That might be hard to do, considering that I surprise myself sometimes too. lol

At the end of the day, it is all about how much I really want it. There is no need for you to give me any answers, the same way there is no need for you to ask me any questions. Not when the question is the answer, and I know both already.

最後に言いたいのは、俺は迷いはあっても良い、けど悔いがないように生きていくよ。そういう風に決めたんだ。あいつみたいにかっこよくなくてもいい、誰かに誤解されても良い、例え何を言われようとも、俺はマイウィーで行く。そじゃなきゃ、意味がないから。俺じゃなくなるから。

The downtime this time might be very costly, but I can only take it like a man, because I have made my choices. One of those was a very very very foolish one, I must admit, but as I have said, no more regrets, no matter what, so there you go.

『Action is the foundational key to all success.』

~Pablo Picasso~